“Nothing can prepare you for this.” I hear it in the depth of my being while they washed him and I’m barely standing paralyzed. “Nothing can prepare you for this.” I hear it again as I’m holding my brother to lay him to his final rest. “Nothing can prepare you for this.” I’ve heard it and never again as I laid down the final bricks on his grave.

The loss of a sibling, a parent, or a loved one. Is something we constantly read about in books. Is something we constantly hear in songs. Is something we constantly watch in the movies. We even participate in such events with other people. We see them cry and grieve. We see them lay their loved ones to their graves. We sympathize with them, and we shed few tears with them. We think that we understand but in reality.. No, we don’t understand. Even when it happens to us, we can barely understand.

Poets and philosophers across the ages have been pushing the language boundaries to enable us to understand what it means to lose someone we love. Yet the only medium that can do is the actual event of losing someone.

Personally speaking, nothing prepared me for this. No religion, no philosophy, no practice, nor any teachings of any kind. I remained stranded alone in the void.

At the crown of his grave, I saw my family, extended family, and friends of the family raising their hands and praying, and someone in the back almost commanding everyone one to pray. “What to pray for?” I asked myself. “Even if I was to pray, What would I say? Shall I ask for forgiveness? Shall I pray for my brother?” I tried, and I wasn’t able to say anything. Silence is the only language I was able to speak at the wake of my brother’s death.

Nothing can prepare you for this. It doesn’t matter what religion you practice, a belief you practice, nor a philosophical angle you subscribe to. This is purely a human experience that everyone will go through.

An Ode To A Lost Sibling:

I stole many things from you when I was a kid. The Snoop Dogg cassette. The Thriller CD. And the video games from your bedroom while you were asleep, or at least you pretended to be.

Life got us emotionally separated in a way, and each of us walked on a different path in life. Lately we didn’t even have any common interests to talk about in the family gatherings. But you were there, and I was there.

All what I am today is a reflection of you. When I was a kid, I’ve always wanted to be as cool as you. So I taught myself English by listening to the albums and reading the magazines I stole from you. I taught myself computer stuff by hacking your computer when you were abroad. You were the spark of my curiosity, and you will always remain to be.

Life got us separated in a way, but life got us back together in your grave.

Nothing prepared me for this.